Without a doubt, the most popular womanly grievance when it comes to sex is that it usually doesn’t last long enough. Probably the reason why female rap artist Missy Elliot made the song ‘One Minute Man’. A study by American and Canadian sex therapists in 2008 found that sex that is ‘adequate’ lasts around 3-7 minutes. And because the beginning and end of sex are centered on the penis, i.e. penetration and ejaculation, men often fear orgasming first at the risk of not satiating their partners before. So here’s a list of the things you can do to last longer in bed.
Regardless of whichever methods you choose to follow, what is crucial is that you don’t panic. Panicking distracts you. Instead of calming down and proceeding at your own pace, you become removed from the situation. The moment you start fixating too much on your inabilities, you become a spectator in your own bedroom. Which is something you definitely want to avoid. As someone who has personally gone through this situation, take it from me, CALM DOWN.
Love socks aka Condoms
Condoms are extremely practical in prolonging sexual intercourse. Added to that is the fact that they are one of the most popular forms of contraception. There are different types of condoms available on the market – plain, dotted, ribbed but what you would find useful are the ones that delay orgasm. They have the terms ‘extended’ or ‘prolonged’ on the packages and are usually coated with ‘desensitisers’ or ‘climax control’ elements at the teat end that delay your orgasm, thereby prolonging sex. The Durex Extended Pleasure is an example, it contains the numbing element Benzocaine at the tip that delays your ejaculation. Take note of the fact that you must communicate with your partner to make sure she isn’t chafing or hurting.
There exist a few self-help methods you can use to delay your orgasm and the ‘Squeezing Technique’ is one. It was created by the famous sex therapists William Masters and Virginia Johnson, pioneers of human sexual research from the late 1950’s until 1990’s. What this technique basically entails is firmly squeezing the frenulum for about 4 seconds right before orgasm.
The frenulum is the stringy piece of skin connecting the penile head to the foreskin. This method definitely requires some practice and it is advised that you and/or your partner first use it on your erection for a while so you can get used to it. Once you are fully erect, use your or your partner’s hand to apply the right amount of pressure to decrease the intensity of your hard-on. Wait for 30-40 seconds before doing this again. Then start using it between masturbation. Once you or your partner have learned how to correctly apply pressure on the frenulum to delay the ejaculation, you may finally start using it in between sex.
If you’ve learned how to last a little longer, you can also practice Kegel exercises every day to increase the intensity of your orgasms.These are exercises that strengthen the muscles below the bladder that control urination. Squeeze them in and out around 15 times, twice a day. Gradually increase the frequency to 50. The best part is that you can do these anywhere and there’s no way people around you would notice unless you choose to let them know, in which case you’re weird.
Toys are always associated with female pleasure and arousal but that doesn’t mean there aren’t any for men. Male sex toys, cock rings especially, can help you last longer during sex. They work by restricting blood flow to the penis, resulting in longer and harder erections. You also have the option of kinking things up further by using vibrating cock rings (basically a vibrator attached to the ring). But remember to not get overwhelmed by the variety of options available when you are shopping for these. Beginners need to proceed slowly. Baby steps first, guys. And remember to keep yourself trimmed down there cuz the last thing you want is your pubic hair getting stuck between the rings.
There’s also the sex toy called a masturbation sleeve which can help you practice edging. The longer you can last when masturbating with the sleeve, the longer you will likely last during sex. The Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit offers the same along with the added promise of delivering intense pleasure sensations.
Other things YOU can do
- Foreplay is often the most enjoyable part of sex, where you build tension and intensity. It’s what increases desire. Take more time to indulge in this to make sex more pleasurable and longer rather than just another ‘wham-bam-thankyou mam’ moment.
- Masturbate before sex. Since your body obviously takes time to manufacture more semen, emptying your sack before sex is going to delay your orgasm.
- You can distract yourself with the most mundane thoughts right before ejaculation. Think about multiplication tables and other mathematical stuff.
- Stop limiting sex to just one session! Start things up again a few minutes after you ejaculate. The sensitivity you experience during the second erection will be lessened so you can indulge in more fore-play to build excitement. This should definitely make the results of round two much better.
- Switch positions. Using your favorite or routine positions makes your body anticipate the coming, and you always end up coming sooner. Don’t be reserved about trying awkward or unfamiliar poses. The more awkward the pose, the longer sex lasts.
- If PE (premature ejaculation) becomes a regular problem, seek doctoral treatment for it. No shame or harm in doing so. And while you’re undergoing care, learn to pleasure each other in different ways. Who says intercourse has to be the only definition of sex?
- Suggest activities that put the focus on your partner’s pleasure if you are feeling too much pressure. We’re talking oral sex, BDSM etc. It will distract you and probably (hopefully) be one of the reasons why your partner values you more.